When will this end?

Back in 2001 I had a mini epiphany which was that I needed to work in, or on, something that I thought made a difference in the world.  So I started to learn about Western Herbal Medicine with a view to helping people, but little did I realise how it would help me, and that I would set off on a path of massive self-exploration.

So I began the slow journey of becoming a qualified herbalist.  It took me 6 years of part-time study, and during this time I began the process of ‘dealing with my own shit’.  It wasn’t pleasant and frankly I was a little shocked.  But I soon understood that in order to be in the right space to help others heal, I needed to work on myself first.

After I qualified, I patted myself on the back for having transformed and grown spiritually, mentally and emotionally, and thought it was the end of it.

Then my first child came along and aren’t children the greatest teachers of all time? I wasn’t really expecting that, but after a couple of years realised my daughter had shown me the importance of mental and emotional wellbeing and its impact on the body.  And that led me to kinesiology.

I started on my kinesiology journey feeling a little self-righteous.  I’ve done so much healing on myself, I thought, this is not going to push any buttons.  I watched other students around me almost self-combusting with things that were coming up for them.  I sat smug as I calmly worked through the initial teachings.  And then, it started for me too.  There were more layers of my ‘onion’ to contemplate and work through.

As I completed my Diploma of Professional Kinesiology Practice I was relieved the hornets nest wasn’t going to be stirred up any further.  Oh how wrong I was.  2015 for me was, quite simply, horrible.  I remember thinking, how is this possible?  I’ve done so much work on myself? How can I feel like I’m having a nervous breakdown? Things did indeed settle down (many thanks to the great kinesiologist I saw over the year) but there was a part of me that felt unsettled by the experience and I thought,  “when will this end?”.

Fast forward to late 2017, I began working with an amazing mentor who helped me understand, and come to peace with, the fact I would probably be doing this sort of work on myself for a long time.

The reason I want to share all this with you is because there are so many people who think they can be ‘fixed’ by a few kinesiology sessions (or naturopathic sessions, physio sessions etc). I’m not disputing that kinesiology (or other therapies) don’t help (my god, I would have been institutionalized if I hadn’t found kinesiology!).  But the point I’d like to make is that often people think there is some line in the sand they can reach through healing and then they are done. 

I know you don’t want to hear this, but we are never done working on ourselves.  We can get better (or insert; happier, healthier, more energised etc).  But we are a work in progress.  The work on ourselves never ends.

Let’s leave this on a positive note. I think that healing doesn’t always have to come from working with a therapist (but as someone who loves helping people, I hope you do consider seeing someone qualified if you’re not doing so well).  I have also been immensely helped by reading specific books, visiting places in nature and unexpected acts of random kindness from loved ones or strangers.  These ordinary things became extraordinary because I had a realisation, or made the connection, at the time they occurred to me, on how they were helping me in a specific way.   They caused a shift in perspective which led me to take action to create change.

I sincerely hope you have many extraordinary things come into your life in 2019.  Happy New Year.